Sunday, April 4, 2010

The Hope of Easter

Death is a scary thing. At least I always thought it was.

When you are young, heaven sounds kind of boring compared to your childlike dreams of going to the circus or park.

As a child, your older relatives die and then you no longer get to see them. Gone.

But what happens when it is your baby that dies?

This is not the natural order of things. A mother is not supposed to outlive her child.

It is also something that makes people uncomfortable to talk about.

In many of my circles, it is as if Kaitlyn never existed and Kelsey has no disability...because no one talks of them. It is easier to ask if you have seen the latest movie than to ask how Kelsey has been doing in therapy or if I ever still think of Kaitlyn (I do. everyday.)

I heard the end of this song yesterday on the radio:

Steven Curtis Chapman wrote this after the loss of his 5 year old in a accident.

This is the promise of heaven.

To him, "heaven" right now is the ability to be reunited with his little girl and do all the things they used to do.

To me, I can picture in my mind's eye my two little girls running around in little white dresses with long blonde curls in a garden somewhere. (this is what I always pictured while pregnant before Kaitlyn died, only it was my backyard...)

My view of death has changed since Kaitlyn. While I am not in any hurry to get there, I am no longer afraid of it.

It has solidified the fact that because I have a personal relationship with Jesus and he died for my sins that I will be in heaven one day where my only job will be to praise Him.

And my little girl will greet me there and someday her sister, Kelsey, will run and play there too.

Happy Easter Everyone!

1 comment:

Rochelle said...

Oh Kelly this post is so beautiful. Brought me to tears. I am in no hurry either but when that day comes what a wonderful day it will be.
Can't wait to see the girls run and play together! Now that is truly heaven!!!
Happy Easter!